Loving this response to the Maria Kang meme:
After many people gave their “excuses” in that thread, an interesting thing happened. People started asking Kang what her excuse was."I have 3 degrees…what’s her excuse?""Can she play tuba? No? What’s her excuse?"
"I had my kids closer together than she did. What’s her excuse?"
This is hilarious, but it also sheds light on something that isn’t normally visible. No one would ever expect to see a tuba player’s picture with the words “what’s your excuse” atop it. And if they did see a picture like that, they’d most likely laugh their asses off. Because that’s ridiculous. Not everyone wants to play tuba, so they don’t need an excuse as to why they can’t play it. Not everyone wants three degrees. And the people that do want three sometimes have the legit excuse as discussed above of not having the funds or the time to achieve them. And no one is posting pictures of themselves with their prizes and achievements in those areas asking others to justify themselves. Because that’s silly.But somehow it’s not silly when someone does this in the working-out realm. Because ‘fitspiration’ is not just a subgenre, but is part of our general culture, and as such is open to these criticisms. Because the people hitting back don’t find it silly or absurd. Shaming in this arena is such a part of our mainstream culture that people do get insulted when a random meme picture like this shows up on their social media. They get it enough everywhere else. They don’t want it from a complete stranger, too.
The tuba player goes on to say, “Maybe it’s not important or interesting to her… Gasp, you mean different people have different priorities?!”And that’s the crux of the matter. Looking like she looks a year after having her third child is not a priority for most people. And yet somehow, when seeing a picture like that, with a shaming message atop it, people do feel shamed for it not being a priority for them. And then they get mad. Because it’s a dominant theme in our culture. One that needs to go away.She has every right to be proud of herself, and every right to motivate those who are looking to be motivated in her arena, in her area of expertise. But she does not have the right to attack those who would fight back against her message. Because while she intended to say this: “I know you think you don’t have time if you have kids. But if I can do it, you can do it, too,” she actually said this: “what’s your excuse?” And those are two different things.
Also this article from Baby Dust Diaries: "Maria Kang, Here Is My Excuse."
Actual nonsenical dietary advice to women who dare to be fat while pregnant.
And even when women comply with these ridiculous restrictions, their care providers often don’t believe them. In the care providers’ eyes, if you are “obese,” then OBVIOUSLY you are overeating, mainlining ice cream and bread, and consume a TON of sugar. And if you don’t admit to it, well, then obviously you are lying.
On food policing:
I think the world would be a better place if we stuck to one acceptable way of commenting on what is on a fellow adult’s plate. That way is “That looks delicious” + some variation of “Where did you get it/how did you make it/does it taste as good as it looks/smells/Is it like this other thing that is also delicious?“
If people could do that, that would solve 90% of your problem right there. You are the boss of what goes on your plate and into your mouth. Other people are the boss of what goes into their own mouths.
You’re not that person’s doctor? You’re not their nutritionist? You’re not the parent of a young child talking to that child? You’re not running a proposed dish or a restaurant by a dining companion? Then NOTHING you have to say about what they are eating is important.
You might still be in the habit of saying things that contribute to the very real abuse of and discrimination against fat people. In case you’re a good person who wants to stop doing those things, I’ve tried to put together an inventory of ideas that contribute to the oppression of fat people. Some of these are big, some are small, but they all add up to a serious web of stigma that affects the quality of life for fat people.
Helpful look at the science behind why maintaing a weight loss is nearly always impossible.
Interesting note: I found a link to this article through a weight maintaining blog, where all the comments were of the variety “What a negative article! I’m going to disregard it so I can think positively.” Because ignoring facts makes them go away.
I would like to put forth the radical notion that, if a fat person is fat by choice, it’s okay.
It can be a hatred that’s hard to let go of, even for fat people, because letting go of that hatred, and replacing it with acceptance, can feel akin to giving fat people permission to be fat.
But being in the position of feeling like permission is yours to give is a manifestation of privilege. And maybe it’s all right to let that privilege go.
So much good information here. So many linked resources. I can’t even pick out what I like the best. Please read and absorb it all. Thank you.
Wise take on the point that correlation does not equal causation.
Healthy, balanced diet and activity = important for everyone, lean or fat.
Losing weight = almost purely social goal that may or may not be important to you, gets even more complicated and guilt inducing when you have children and may actually make you less healthy.
I love posts that point out that dieting doesn’t work. Really.
It’s called “dieting”.
Via (somewhat indirectly) Shannon